Sunday, buggy Sunday

Posted on April 7, 2013 by Kimberley in Photography, Travel

We survived the trip back from Adelaide with the family unit still in tact (this is worth noting). Inky generously decided to wait until she had crashed in her bed around 7.30 before letting out an almighty chunderous spew (which was echoed by her father at 4am. I’m sitting here patiently waiting for it myself).

It’s great to be home. I love travelling and constantly have itchy feet but I do crave the safe haven of this little Edwardian house in inner Melbourne. The fact that the girls can clearly handle 10 hours in a car without much whingeing AT ALL has inspired me to plan more road-trips for the family.

But without getting ahead of myself, I present to you my Adelaide tale in shutterbuggery…

We headed to the beach, in all its autumnal haziness:

And to the hills to breathe the semi-rural Hahndorf air:

And back to our Adelaide-home-by-proxy:

Before finally heading home to beautiful Melbourne:

Stories of Me: Favourite Song

Posted on April 5, 2013 by Kimberley in A MM Life

Click on the image for the video

In Year 9, I was a Kate Bush freak. I had actually had a serious girlcrush on Kate from age 13 until my early 20s, but when I was 15 I learnt the “Wuthering Heights” “going over green fields in a red dress” dance (don’t tell me you don’t know it) and I used to roll it out at parties (that, cough, may or may not have included alcohol). The dance involved much back contorting and leg kicks and may (or may not) have been responsible for a sprained groin at one point. My girlfriends loved it and it made me feel all ethereal and shit. Kate was girly and floaty and very very weird. Which was me on a plate in 1987.

I loved that song for years and years AND YEARS. My mum thought it was just a “phase” but as we all know, serving that up to a 15 year old girl with a “teenagers-are-soooooooo-tiresome-and-faddish” eye-roll, assured an extra couple of years of KB obsession. I was a serious book buff at the time and the Kate Bush-ness got whipped up with my obsession with Emily Bronte’s book (and a side serve of Laurence Olivier infatuation) and coughed up an awkwardly eccentric teen with a penchant for spraining groins, wearing long flowing red dresses and knocking on windows. Come to think of it, I probably didn’t look unlike Sadako from The Ring.

But ahem, where was I? Oh yes.

I watched the “Wuthering Heights” video last week and I must confess I squirmed a bit. I had been such a dramatic, theatrical child and when I think of that kid I don’t see myself at all anymore. Which is probably just as well, as my own kids would probably run and hide every time they saw me coming (come to think of it, they do anyway). It made me cringe and it also made me sad. I can never go back to that kid. I can never indulge my imagination as freely as I did when I was 16. I can claw pieces of it back if I wanted to, but I’m here now. I love me now, but I also get melancholy for the old me then.

But let’s face it, if I tried to do a splendid high-kick like Kate did in that video now, my boobs would probably ricochet off my face. And we can’t have that. I’m a parent now. Word.

Linking up with My Mummy Daze for Stories of Me and With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday.

March Photo a Day: 26-31

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Kimberley in Photography

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Linking up with Twinkle in the Eye for Wordless Wednesday

10 ways to survive a road-trip with kids (without being committed)

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Kimberley in Kids

When husband first suggested we drive from Melbourne to Adelaide to visit his folks over Easter, I said “No”. Actually, what I said was, “Are you mutherf*cking kidding? It’s EIGHT hours. In a car. With our kids. Do you really want to see my ears bleeding?“

The last time we drove any distance with Scout was to Mount Gambier in 2006. She hated travelling in the car and screamed for the entire 7 hour journey, with the exception of a one hour catnap. I very nearly did a U-y at Ballarat and drove home. It was Hell. Granted she was only 1, but memories of that trip were awful enough to last me a lifetime.

L-R: Watching Scooby Doo on the Macgyvered iPad; Modelling the new range of headphone wear

I gave in to husband though (can someone say “SUCKER!”), because the kids don’t get to see their grandparents nearly enough and flying was simply too expensive.

So I researched the f*ck out of how to entertain Scout (7) and Inky (2.5) on the 8 hour trip (+ “wee breaks”/lunch). With the inspiration of some top-shelf recommendations from my FB page, I prepared my arsenal of backseat distractions:

A video system. Rather than buy one, Husband Macgyvered a structure made out of padded wire from Bunnings (not sponsored) that held the iPad between the two front seats. It was damn ugly, but effective. We loaded it up with movies and TV Shows, plugged in some crappy two-way speakers Husband picked up at a conference and voila! Hours of distraction.
Books. Scout was fine curled up with the next exciting instalment of “Alice Miranda”, but rather than give Inky narrative books, we packed her “Where’s Wally” books and “100,000,001 things to spot in Fairy Land” so they doubled as an activity as well as a read.
Don’t be too prescriptive. I know this won’t work for super-organised people, but the girls travelled better than I expected, so rather than taking regular breaks every 2 hours (which would be required for some kids), I plotted out a series of possible stopping points along the way so that when they got fractious I’d know what was coming up. Nhill and Keith have excellent playgrounds on the main drag (and you can make endless adult jokes about visiting “Neil” and “Keith” on the way).
Sticker books. Inky ended up putting the stickers all over the door of the back seat but whatevs.
Snacks. Lots and lots of snacks. Snacks that take a bit of time to eat – popcorn, sultanas/dried fruit, fruit and stringer cheese (hours of fun, apparently).
Road trip bingo. Of course, Murphy’s Law intervened before we left and the ink in the printer ran out so I couldn’t print out any Road Trip Bingo cards. Happily, Maccas had an Australia-flavoured road trip bingo on their paper placemats. Which brings me to my next point:
Maccas is Roadtrip King. Sorry, I know they are the horns of a huge, evil money-making machine with questionable ethics, but there is a reason they are so popular. They have brilliant playgrounds, the McCafes sell quite good coffee and the Happy Meals now have awful catapult toys sure to delight the gentlest of toddlers.
Audio books. Gives mum and dads everywhere a rest when they’ve had too much of Scooby Doo. We loaded up the iPhone with some audio books but Inky didn’t last long as the headphones kept falling off.
Get breathalised. The police are out in force this Easter and husband got pulled over for a breath test. There was at least 10 minutes of excitement and enquiry after that with a discussion on the dangers of alcohol and driving. 2% of the trip!
Pour yourself a Sailor Jerrys (or whatever your poison is) at your destination. Give your husband/wife a slap on the bum and your kids a round of high fives for surviving the trip.

L-R: Catatonia sets in; buttf*ck nowhere

March Photo a Day: 17-24

Posted on March 31, 2013 by Kimberley in Photography

I’ve thrown my hands up in defeat and have decided to drop the Project Life 365 Photo a Day. Two photo challenges are too hard to manage (cue world’s smallest violin). Much as I love the Project Life cues, I have to back my Australian Photo Challenge wench, Fat Mum Slim.

Stories of Me: Easter

Posted on March 29, 2013 by Kimberley in A MM Life

When I was 7 I was the Easter Bunny. No, really, there’s proof. Don’t let that cheeky smile and those deceptively white retro sandals fool you. I was the Easter Bunny for real. I thought I was the Easter Bunny last week, though, and it turned out there was just too much codeine in my scotch and dry.

My mum thought it would be a terrific idea to dress her eldest daughter in white nylon and trot her off to the local kindergarten to give out eggs. I can’t really blame her – it was the 70s and it seemed like a good idea for a whole decade. I remember it was a warm day and the outfit was itchy and sweaty. And don’t start me on that bow. My brother was one of the kinder kids, an irrepressible 4 year old who had light fingers. I was 7, clearly owned the place and thought I’d give my brother a fair whack across the knuckles when I snagged him pinching a SECOND egg (I mean, who does that?). In that moment, my DNA was irrepressibly mixed in with that of a stern old boarding school marm from an Enid Blyton book. Winning.

It was the same year I discovered that the Easter Bunny wasn’t real. I was a stubborn kid (considering my eldest daughter, one might say Karma’s a bitch) and caught my mum at the front of our house with a full basket of easter eggs (clearly “on the hide”). I asked her what she was doing and was told to go back to bed. I asked her again, she told me to go back to bed. I asked her AGAIN and was told to “GO BACK TO BED”. I asked a fourth time and mum threw her arms up and said “Look, I’m the EASTER BUNNY OK!” I was devastated. I went back to bed, my life (or at least my prospect of scoring chocolate in future years) crumbling before my very eyes.

I eat fish every Good Friday even though I don’t believe in God (or like fish) because it’s a tradition. I do the Easter Egg hunt every year for my kids but god help them if they spring me hiding eggs.

One thing’s for sure, I’ll never EVER dress them in white nylon. The shoes on the other hand…

Linking up with My Mummy Daze for “Stories of Me”

March Photo a Day: 9-16

Posted on March 27, 2013 by Kimberley in Photography

Mixing it up with Trish at My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday

10 experiences I remember having at DPCon13

Posted on March 26, 2013 by Kimberley in A MM Life, Social Media

Clockwise from top-left: Tramp on a tramp; with Kim outside Curzon Hall; Sunrise over the Hall; with Eden

For those of you who aren’t bloggers, I won’t bang on too much about DPCon (aka Digital Parents Conference at Curzon Hall, North Ryde, last week). It’s part of my “brand” not to bore you with this shit. For those of you who are bloggers and who may have seen me half-stewed and barking weird drunken rhetoric at the conference. I apologise.

My main motivation in going to blogging conferences is not to learn an awful lot – if I can take away one hot tip that will set my shesizzle on fire then I’m happy. I go to network, to inhale other bloggers (not in a creepy way), to hang out with like-minded online parents who have a license to go birko for a few days. I’ll probably blog in more detail about certain panels and stories at a later date, but suffice to say if I ever see the “Blog to Book” panellists Ali Tait or Kerri Sackville again (not likely after Kerri tried to stab me with a fork over a bowl of potato salad) I may vomit sunshine, rainbows and regurgitated inspiration all over them. Bring an umbrella.

But it’s exhausting, I won’t lie. I felt like I had to be on the whole time. At about 2pm on the first day, the overtired introvert in me flicked on the threshold switch (thoughtful minx) and I took off for a few hours to recharge. I love me some alone time. It was nice for the introvert to smack the usual bossy extrovert down for a awhile. She doesn’t get out much, you know.

Happily, my self-propelled “brand” is one of pottymouthedness and general self-deprecating naughtiness, so if I reeled off a few m*therf*ckers to unsuspecting attendees, my “brand” wasn’t tarnished (god forbid). I might have lost a few potential buddies, but trust me on this, bloggers are UNREAL. And there are plenty of them to go around. Spread the word.

Clockwise from top left: Sunset over Curzon Hall; with Dani, Chubba and Catherine at the Gala Dinner; polaroids at the trampoline; Darren Rowse breaking the internet

My 10 favourite experiences from the two day extravaganza:

Going 10 for 10 on my stalkee list and being quietly surprised at how much cooler they were than their online personas (did that sound like a suck-up much? It kinda was a suck-up, but it aint no lie). And look out for Katie - she’s a firecracker and has immense blogging superpowers.
Meeting Eden Riley. I accosted her in a quiet moment on the lawn at the end of the first day. The perfect, low-key setting to spout forth upon her a tirade of diarrheaic brain-farting. I was tired, my brain was throbbing with information overload and, you know, it was Eden. I love how when she talks to you she talks to you. She doesn’t look constantly over your shoulder in search of something more interesting to converse with. I think this is why she has a bucketload of fangirls.
The Trolls, Haters and Negative Comments panel was brilliant, not least because the panellists (Glow, Mrs. Woog, Retro Mummy and Reservoir Dad) were funny as f*ck. The only disconcerting moment was when Glow looked out over the attendees and said ominously that she knew that some of the anonymous snarkers on GOMI were in the audience. Something in me went all “Have you checked the Children?”
Hanging out with the Tackle Nappy boys, Clint, Yvette, Kelly and Jacqui on the second night for jugs of beer and so many bowls of wedges I may have formed a new one up my crack.
The panel “Blog to Book”. You have to understand I’ve been writing the Great Australian Novel since I was 10, but this is the year I’m going to DO IT. Problem is, I am (apparently) a “pantser” (one who writes by the seat of their pants). I start writing without much of a plan and by the time I realise the plot has gone irretrievably haywire, it’s too late and I’ve lost interest.
Having a “jump” on the trampoline. Thank god for control bras. I nearly took out an eye on that thing (my own) then topped it off with some superbly loose pelvic floor action. Clearly I forget I’m not a 20 year old gymnast.
Playing Air Guitar with Kylez on the dance floor. She went OFF. The party is strong with that one.
Getting to know a myriad of other bloggers, many of whom weren’t even on my radar before the conference [to name a few - Jules from The Bumpiest Path, Beck from Crafty PJ mum, Jess from Tatoo Mummy, Angela from School of Mum, Simon from Fast Lane Dad, Salwa from Salz Dummy Spit, Danya Banya and Lisa]. Refreshing to be able to sniff me some testosterone in a room that would have only a few years ago been drowning in oestrogen.
Hanging with dudes already on my homie radar – Kim (my fabulous roomie who had the same penchant as me for sleeping in total darkness), Lori, Martine, Sophie and Dani.
Just having some family free time. By the time I landed back in Melbourne on Friday I really missed them and couldn’t wait to shove my nose into some dimpled cheeks.

Low-lights:

Not winning the Springfree trampoline.
Losing a $5 bet to Chubba that at least one of the Trolls, Haters and Negative Comments panellists wouldn’t say the C word. I really thought they wouldn’t (I still owe you, buddy).

Clockwise from top left: With Catherine at the Gala dinner; photoboothing with the gorgeous Katie and Kim; drinking bubbles with Yvette on the lawn; Glow, Mrs. Woog, Corrie and Reservoir Dad on the troll panel.

Project Life 365. Days 06/03 – 14/03

Posted on March 26, 2013 by Kimberley in Photography

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Stalkee Shout-out

Posted on March 18, 2013 by Kimberley in A MM Life, Social Media

Ahem, I’m not really a stalker. Unless you count that time in 1986 when I hung outside the Newcastle Workers Club waiting for Iva Davies to come out and fall in love with me (he must have escaped out another door. Nothing to do with me, clearly).

But today I’m taking leaves off my roomie-to-be Kim Abbate‘s tree and doing me a little list of bloggers I would like to meet at the Digital Parents Conference on Wednesday. That’s right, I’m passing the buck on my penchant for skulking behind doors and sheer curtains to other top-shelf bloggers.

For the uninitiated, the Digital Parents Conference is a two-day fiesta of blogger/social media goodness, fraternisation and workshops. The little nerdy calculator inside my head tells me I know roughly 13% of the attendees. Between Problogger and various blogger outreach events, I’ve been certainly getting around (it’s OK I don’t have any bizarre diseases).

Here are my Top 10 Bloggers I would like to stal…yo, meet at DPCon. Most of these blogs are ones whose virtual windows I’ve lovingly peeped through since I’ve been blogging (sometimes with binoculars. Don’t get creeped out or anything) but whom I’ve never met. The actual list runs quite a bit longer, but I don’t want to lose you on this.

Eden Riley. I chickened out of introducing myself to Eden at Problogger. I love her writing and reckon she’s probably a girlcrush for many. Too much pressure, dude.
Kylie Purtell from A Study in Contradictions. A highly engaging, funny-as-f*ck blogger.
Sharon from Twitchy Corner. Love Twitchy’s writing – she’s a bit like me (read: she’s pantie-wettingly funny but can also be heartwrenchingly serious). No tickets or anything.
Catherine Roadie-Blagg from Cup of Tea and a Blog. One of the first blogs I ever read.
Yvette Bower from Little Bento Blog. ‘Cos she’s a Japanophile just like me.
Kerri Sackville (see #1. BukBukBukBUK).
Reservoir Dad. Lives up the road, but never met him. I’ve heard he’s pretty funny. Bring it, RD, bring it.
Tackle Nappy boys. My husband met them at Problogger and he tells me they’re top-of-the-range.
Katie 180. Katie tells it how it is. I love that.
Essentially Jess. To meet the face behind “I Blog on Tuesdays” (#IBOT)

Now I’ve written this list, I’ve GOT to follow through on it, don’t I? Watch this space for some more tales from the chicken coop (although I may be a bit sporadic with posting this week. Just ask the heap of blogger curled up drunk in the hotel corridor on Thursday night. That won’t be me. EVER).