I went into my funny little mind palace for this list of TV quotes (2014 season) you can use on your kids. And cheated a bit with the help of The Google. My memory aint that good, ya know.
- On nagging your kids to help tidy the Lego aftermath—“You two gonna stand there like the ugly girl at the prom or are you going to pitch in?” Bobby, Supernatural.
- On finding your youngest kid sporting a permanent texta tattoo all over her face—“You two, together, are biiiiiig trouble.” Papa Legba, American Horror Story. Don’t forget to use the Jamaican accent with this one.
- On playing mediator to your kids’ fights—“Chokehold’s illegal!” Daryl, The Walking Dead.
- On your kids fighting over who gets the Dora cup and who gets the Diego—“Sometimes, I think justice would be better served with a coin flip.” Diane, The Good Wife.
- On fielding your kids’ insistence that “Dad said I could!”—“I am nothing like your Dad.” Lecter, Hannibal.
- On snapping your 8 year old out of the “get the hell out of bed!” morning blues—“There has never been a sadness not cured by breakfast food.” Ron, Parks & Rec.
- On the daily “dodge-the-bath” routine—“I can find you anywhere, even in this gin soaked rat maze.” Reaper, Supernatural.
- On encouraging your kid to do their reading homework—“A mind needs books like a sword needs whetstone if it is to keep its edge.” Tyrion Lannister, Game of Thrones. For extra sh*ts and giggles points, take a photo of their faces after you say this.
- On getting your child to turn off the iPad—“You know sitting can kill you.” Callen, NCIS: Los Angeles.
- On hearing a chorus of “I’m bored” after you pick your kids up from school—“Dear God. What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring.” Sherlock, Sherlock.
Go on, which one would you potentially use on your kids?