For those of you who aren’t bloggers, I won’t bang on too much about DPCon (aka Digital Parents Conference at Curzon Hall, North Ryde, last week). It’s part of my “brand” not to bore you with this shit. For those of you who are bloggers and who may have seen me half-stewed and barking weird drunken rhetoric at the conference. I apologise.
My main motivation in going to blogging conferences is not to learn an awful lot – if I can take away one hot tip that will set my shesizzle on fire then I’m happy. I go to network, to inhale other bloggers (not in a creepy way), to hang out with like-minded online parents who have a license to go birko for a few days. I’ll probably blog in more detail about certain panels and stories at a later date, but suffice to say if I ever see the “Blog to Book” panellists Ali Tait or Kerri Sackville again (not likely after Kerri tried to stab me with a fork over a bowl of potato salad) I may vomit sunshine, rainbows and regurgitated inspiration all over them. Bring an umbrella.
But it’s exhausting, I won’t lie. I felt like I had to be on the whole time. At about 2pm on the first day, the overtired introvert in me flicked on the threshold switch (thoughtful minx) and I took off for a few hours to recharge. I love me some alone time. It was nice for the introvert to smack the usual bossy extrovert down for a awhile. She doesn’t get out much, you know.
Happily, my self-propelled “brand” is one of pottymouthedness and general self-deprecating naughtiness, so if I reeled off a few m*therf*ckers to unsuspecting attendees, my “brand” wasn’t tarnished (god forbid). I might have lost a few potential buddies, but trust me on this, bloggers are UNREAL. And there are plenty of them to go around. Spread the word.
My 10 favourite experiences from the two day extravaganza:
- Going 10 for 10 on my stalkee list and being quietly surprised at how much cooler they were than their online personas (did that sound like a suck-up much? It kinda was a suck-up, but it aint no lie). And look out for Katie - she’s a firecracker and has immense blogging superpowers.
- Meeting Eden Riley. I accosted her in a quiet moment on the lawn at the end of the first day. The perfect, low-key setting to spout forth upon her a tirade of diarrheaic brain-farting. I was tired, my brain was throbbing with information overload and, you know, it was Eden. I love how when she talks to you she talks to you. She doesn’t look constantly over your shoulder in search of something more interesting to converse with. I think this is why she has a bucketload of fangirls.
- The Trolls, Haters and Negative Comments panel was brilliant, not least because the panellists (Glow, Mrs. Woog, Retro Mummy and Reservoir Dad) were funny as f*ck. The only disconcerting moment was when Glow looked out over the attendees and said ominously that she knew that some of the anonymous snarkers on GOMI were in the audience. Something in me went all “Have you checked the Children?”
- Hanging out with the Tackle Nappy boys, Clint, Yvette, Kelly and Jacqui on the second night for jugs of beer and so many bowls of wedges I may have formed a new one up my crack.
- The panel “Blog to Book”. You have to understand I’ve been writing the Great Australian Novel since I was 10, but this is the year I’m going to DO IT. Problem is, I am (apparently) a “pantser” (one who writes by the seat of their pants). I start writing without much of a plan and by the time I realise the plot has gone irretrievably haywire, it’s too late and I’ve lost interest.
- Having a “jump” on the trampoline. Thank god for control bras. I nearly took out an eye on that thing (my own) then topped it off with some superbly loose pelvic floor action. Clearly I forget I’m not a 20 year old gymnast.
- Playing Air Guitar with Kylez on the dance floor. She went OFF. The party is strong with that one.
- Getting to know a myriad of other bloggers, many of whom weren’t even on my radar before the conference [to name a few - Jules from The Bumpiest Path, Beck from Crafty PJ mum, Jess from Tatoo Mummy, Angela from School of Mum, Simon from Fast Lane Dad, Salwa from Salz Dummy Spit, Danya Banya and Lisa]. Refreshing to be able to sniff me some testosterone in a room that would have only a few years ago been drowning in oestrogen.
- Hanging with dudes already on my homie radar – Kim (my fabulous roomie who had the same penchant as me for sleeping in total darkness), Lori, Martine, Sophie and Dani.
- Just having some family free time. By the time I landed back in Melbourne on Friday I really missed them and couldn’t wait to shove my nose into some dimpled cheeks.
- Not winning the Springfree trampoline.
- Losing a $5 bet to Chubba that at least one of the Trolls, Haters and Negative Comments panellists wouldn’t say the C word. I really thought they wouldn’t (I still owe you, buddy).